In brief
Separation anxiety is a common phenomenon when children start preschool. This article discusses effective strategies for parents to help their children adjust, including validating feelings, gradual exposure to separation, and establishing routines. Experts emphasize building resilience in kids while offering support.
When Alexander Lane's 3-year-old daughter first started preschool, the drop-off experience was tough. On her first full day, she clung to the car for an hour, and the second day saw her entering in tears. However, by the third day, a transformation took place as she eagerly ran into her classroom.
Beginning preschool or kindergarten marks a significant milestone that can evoke anxiety in some children, especially those experiencing a lengthy separation from parents for the first time. Lane understood his daughter's apprehension; she had previously resisted classes, leading him to pause her enrollment before starting preschool.
“Telling someone, ‘You’ll just enjoy this if you push through,’ isn’t convincing,” Lane reflected. Experts note that separation anxiety is common among young kids and is integral to the journey of growing up.
Dr. Erica Lee, a psychologist at Boston Children’s Hospital, notes that as the school year kicks off with new classrooms and altered routines, a level of anxiety and adaptation time is expected. However, if symptoms last for extended periods, they may interfere with daily life and warrant professional attention.
Encouraging Resilience in Children
For nearly two decades, preschool teacher Kimberly Skukalek from Pinellas County, Florida, has encountered separation anxiety among her students. Her mission is to demonstrate that school is a safe haven for making friends.
Skukalek identifies that this reassurance must extend to parents, who often harbor greater fears than their children. According to Dr. Izabela Milaniak from the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, overprotective parenting can inhibit children from developing resilience. Succumbing to a child's fears does not alleviate anxiety; instead, it may exacerbate it through avoidance behaviors.
“Teaching kids to face their fears helps them recognize their ability to tackle uncomfortable situations,” Milaniak asserted. She advocates for a balanced approach that acknowledges children’s emotions while maintaining boundaries, fostering their confidence in handling challenges.
When Patrick Edmondson's son, Miles, began preschool this year, emotional struggles surfaced during morning preparations and separations. While empathizing with Miles’ feelings, Edmondson emphasized the importance of not allowing his son to evade school altogether. “We don’t communicate that skipping is an option,” he said.
The Edmondsons implemented various strategies to ease the process, such as offering reassurance that they would return and allowing Miles to select a comforting toy to take to school.
Routine and Gradual Exposure
Gradual exposure to separation can significantly aid children in acclimatizing to school environments. Dr. Lee suggests starting with small separations, such as stepping into another room for a short time, and gradually increasing the duration.
Establishing a brief goodbye ritual can also create a sense of predictability and comfort, minimizing the emotional turmoil surrounding departures. Lane facilitated a smoother transition for his daughter by arranging half-day classes during the summer and engaging her in preparatory activities like outfit selection and packing lunch.
When to Seek Help
Behaviors associated with separation anxiety often include tantrums during drop-offs and difficulty sleeping alone. Dr. Lee emphasizes that such struggles are rooted in fear of negative outcomes for themselves or their caregivers when apart.
If harsh symptoms persist over weeks or months, parents should consult a pediatrician, as separation anxiety is often treatable at any age.
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